MADISON, Wis. — Today, WisDems is launching Whine Wednesday, a weekly wrap up of Derrick Van Orden’s strange Twitter usage. From falling for fake news stories to doubling down on his habit of wanking in the woods, Van Orden has had quite the head-spinning week as evidenced by his 97 tweets. Below, you will find all the highlights (or lowlights) of Van Orden’s online presence.
Welcome to Whine Wednesday with Derrick Van Orden, America’s fiercest keyboard warrior. We comb through the hundreds of tweets DVO posts every week so you don’t have to. Grab a glass and join us for the first edition of Whine Wednesday!
These are the biggest takeaways: read more below!
DVO’S DADDY OF THE WEEK: Pete Hegeseth
For those unfamiliar, a large part of Van Orden’s Twitter presence consists of sucking up to his D.C daddies in an attempt to get noticed by his favorites. This week,Van Orden mostly has eyes for Pete Hegeseth. He tweeted about Hegeseth 8 times over the past week trying to get a notice from the Secretary of War after co-signing his illegal war in Iran.
The peculiar thing about Van Orden’s glaze of Hegeseth is that a lot of it tends to be about killing people in the Iran War — yet Van Orden says he was against boots on the ground. It is something Derrick Van Orden hasn’t even figured out yet, as he continues to flip-flop on the Iran War and tries to keep both Trump and Hegeseth happy while also pretending to stand up for members of our military.
WEEKLY WEIRD: Wanking in the woods (again?!)
If you thought Van Orden’s tweet about “long wanks in the woods” (yes, it’s a real tweet from the sitting congressman) was weird, be prepared—it gets worse.Before 7am on a Thursday, Van Orden responded to a photo calling him the “woodland wanker” asking “Did you wanna see derek in the wilderness?” to which Van Orden responded “who doesn’t.”
The answer is most people, but unfortunately we can’t expect much self awareness from the guy who admitted to exposing male genitals to unsuspecting female officers in his book.
AI SLOP: Trump is actually a good guy … so good they have to make up a fake story!
It would be remiss if Van Orden’s history with engaging with bot accounts was left out of this update. Never one to give up the weird-uncle-who-uses-facebook-too-much brand he has made for himself, Van Orden shows his age and his gullibility every time he falls for fake news — which is quite a concerning amount for a sitting congressman.
This week, Van Orden shared a fake story about President Trump being a good guy. When @RedPilledNurse tweeted the totally true story about Trump saving a woman’s life in 2000, Van Orden just had to weigh in with how much he supported the real Trump that only people who know him understand.
Van Orden tells on himself with just how well he doesn’t know Trump, because anyone with two functioning brain cells and a quick Google search would know this is a fabricated story.
WORST TAKE: Van Orden wants ICE at the polls
With nearly 100 tweets over the past week, Van Orden was bound to have some horrible takes. The worst by far was complaining about Democratic pushback against allowing ICE agents to be stationed at polling locations. Van Orden often babbles on about unfounded conspiracy theories, such as that non-citizens vote in U.S elections, but the implication of wanting ICE agents to fearmonger at polling stations sounds somehow even less appealing than wanting to run into Van Orden in the wilderness.
The truth? Perhaps voters don’t want armed militia forces that have already killed two American citizens and wrongfully detained over 150 citizens policing our elections, but would not expect to get the January 6th participant to understand free and fair elections.
Sincerely,
DVO’s Whine Club
