DVO’S DADDY OF THE WEEK: DADDY DONVan Orden has spent the last few months hosting a parade of Trump administration officials through his district, culminating in the grand finale: A visit from Daddy Don himself for a farmer roundtable in Chippewa Falls. Van Orden took the stage visibly enthusiastic—apparently more concerned with celebrating the boss than discussing the farm bankruptcies, soaring gas prices, and loss of SNAP and Medicaid benefits that his constituents are actually living with.Despite being billed as a roundtable for farmers, Trump spent nearly 60 minutes rambling about White House renovations, Biden, Obama, the “rigged” 2020 election, and transgender people—essentially everything except the sign behind him that read “Fighting for American Farmers.” And through all of it, Van Orden sat several seats away from him, beaming, thrilled to have secured a visit from a president nearly 60% of the country disapproves of, in a district where people are struggling, watching fountains get praised.WORST TAKE: SPENCER PRATT WON!!!In between his loyalty parades, Van Orden has found time to focus on the issues his constituents really care about: The LA mayoral election. Though maybe we shouldn’t be shocked that the guy who was literally at January 6th is out here spreading election conspiracies, even if the city is in a state across the country.
LA is about 2,000 miles from his district, he doesn’t represent California, has never represented California, and exactly zero of his constituents live there. If Van Orden is that captivated by California politics, perhaps he should do western Wisconsin a favor—move to LA and leave WI-03 to someone who might actually pay attention to it. We’d just recommend DVO pack some sunscreen and maybe a wide-brim hat. WORST TAKE PT. 2: WANTING TO HELP FARMERS IS WOKEYup, this week was so bad for Van Orden we genuinely couldn’t decide which take was the worst. In what can only be described as a sad attempt at a gotcha moment, Van Orden responded to a screenshot of an Instagram post highlighting farmer struggles by replying “This you?” with a random image saying “proud to be woke.”Forgive us, but pointing out that farmers are going bankrupt under your own policies doesn’t seem particularly woke. It seems like basic constituent service. But hey, if calling farmers’ hardships woke is the messaging strategy Van Orden wants to run with heading into November, we say go for it.TRUST ME BRO: Van Orden knows more than business owners!In case you need any more evidence that Van Orden has developed some kind of congressional superiority complex, look no further. In response to a Washington Post article about Texas barbecue joints closing due to high beef prices, Van Orden declared it a “super bad take.”Listen, we know the screwworm problem isn’t exactly helping the beef industry—but having the added layer of tariffs and inflation certainly aren’t helping either—and tariffs and inflation are a direct result of MAGA policies. We’re going to go ahead and trust the restaurant owner who is actually watching his business struggle under inflation and tariffs over the D.C. politician desperately trying to save his reelection campaign. But thank you, Derrick, for clearing that up from your office in Washington. |
