Dave Prosser: Trump, Ocasio-Cortez silent during brouhaha over corn syrup suds

The column below is satire. It reflects the views of the author, and these opinions are neither endorsed nor supported by WisOpinion.com.

There is widespread disappointment, even despair among some citizens, that neither President Donald Trump nor Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has addressed the most critical issue facing the country: corn syrup.

President Trump’s State of the Union Address mentioned nothing at all about the sensational disclosure by Anheuser-Busch during the Super Bowl that Bud Light’s competitors, Miller Lite and Coors Light, use corn syrup in brewing their beer, while Bud Light uses rice.

Even more surprising, Representative Ocasio-Cortez, whose comments on the great issues are always eagerly awaited, has remained completely silent on the subject.

Upon inquiry, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders admitted that President Trump was not an expert on corn syrup and that trying to explain the issue to Congress would have made his SOTU remarks even longer than President Bill Clinton’s 89-minute speech in 2000.

“President Trump does not have to break every record for a President,” she said.

Representative Ocasio-Cortez’s office tried hard to dodge the issue entirely. Ocasio-Cortez, a prominent bartender less than a year ago, is a recognized expert but her office had no answer when asked who she is siding with.
After a lengthy pause, one of her staff members mumbled, “What is the phrase politicians use when they don’t want to answer a question?”

“No comment?”

“Oh, yeah. We’ve never used that before.” Then he hung up.

Former Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill was indignant when she learned that Ocasio-Cortez was being evasive. “I stand foresquare behind Bud Light,” she said. “Time in Washington can cause some officials to abandon their transparency. Not me.”

According to informed sources, neither Trump nor Ocasio-Cortez is willing to take a position against corn syrup for fear of offending corn farmers in Iowa. The lowa caucuses are only a year away. This affects Trump directly. He is much stronger in Arkansas, the Nation’s leading producer of rice, than he is in Iowa where the tall corn grows.

Although Ocasio-Cortez will not be running for President until 2024, she is viewed by leading Democrats such as Michael Moore as the Party’s de facto leader and does not want to hurt Democratic candidates in Iowa, Wisconsin, and Colorado by taking a position that could divide voters.

On the other hand, if Ocasio-Cortez gives her blessing to corn syrup, she’s afraid that certain special interests will put her in stocks, with the implicit encouragement of Nancy Pelosi. Speaker Pelosi is reportedly furious that AOC accused her of supporting only a “Chartreuse New Deal.”

Meanwhile, millions of Americans have been left with no direction, no guidance from their leaders, about whether they should be concerned about the possibility of corn syrup in their beer. They are being forced to make a decision on their own. For many this is bound to leave a bitter taste.

–Prosser served as a Wisconsin Supreme Court justice from 1998-2016. He previously served as a Republican member of the state Assembly from 1979 to 1997, and was Assembly speaker from 1995-1997.

 

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